“No one is obliged to get you off sexually. If you are horny and the other person isn’t, you do not need to show your disappointment. Remember, you can always jerk off. If it becomes a consistent problem, you may need to adjust your relationship; if you’re monogamous, it could mean figuring out how to open up your relationship for a bit so your sexual needs are met. If it continues for a long time, it could be a sign of a bigger problem or dynamic you can evaluate together. Sex involves reading body language and listening to the desires of all people involved; how responsible or considerate are you being if you succeed in wearing down someone to the point where they give in to your needs rather than respecting their own wants and boundaries?”
“Without My Consent” by Bran Fenner, in The Revolution Starts at Home (via miswritten)
I can’t lie, I’ve been guilty of showing my disappointment or getting into arguments about sex drive (lots because it’s been misconstrued as something against me if it isn’t there) but this is a good thing to learn and will be helpful in future relationships.
I think you’re allowed to *be* disappointed. But there’s a difference between feeling disappointed, maybe even deciding there’s a larger problem that needs discussing when you’re both calm versus using that disappointment as a tool for emotionally manipulating the other person into sex they don’t want to be having. (Guess which one happened to me?)
This is THE book.
why sex drive is up there on my compatibility requirements list. :|
& sex isn’t a necessary part of every romantic relationship and not everyone requires it.
is it normal to have more intense orgasms during masturbation than during sex?Orgasms come in all sorts of shapes and forms! The different things that lead you to them will often lead you to different kinds of orgasms. This is totally normal! Everyone experiences it differently. Often during masturbation you’re getting much more intense stimulation of the clitoris, plus you know what gets you off the best- both of which can lead to more intense orgasms.